lil-rebbitzen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lil_rebbitzen) wrote2010-02-21 05:00 am
lil_rebbitzen) wrote2010-02-21 05:00 am
Entry tags:
Ugh, I fail at the RP
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pokemonopal ...I'm not kidding, it was all I could come up with.
but still...
(I redid it, it's not quite so stupid)
I am so full of FAIL today.
*sob*
No kidding, I started crying at dinner with my friend and his wife, because they were picking fun at me. It went to me not having a guy....and yeah.
Although my mom asked later what was wrong, and it's like, "just angsting over not having a man", she kind of smiled and rolled her eyes.
I'd just like to have a husband and older kids before the apocalypse.
Is that too much to ask?
Also, we have concluded that while I have a 14-15 in my intelligence score (aka 140-150 IQ), my Self-confidence score is, like, a 3.
UGH WHY THE HELL AM I SO WANGSTY LATELY?!?!
The Great Spock: Use Logic.
me: D: Logic no worky!
I'm a real piece of work, aren't I?
EVEN LIL SEREN IS DISTRAUGHT. D:
I'm going to go play LeafGreen and go to bed... maybe the wangst will go away some in the morning while I'm getting ready for the Senior pictures (OMB) on Monday. I have to wax and color and check makeup and jewelry...
I'M GOING TO BED BEFORE I THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE GOODNIGHT
P.S. Wordsnatcher you should totally join the RP. Seriously, I think it's going to be a lot of fun even with my EPIC FAIL RPing skills. There's several people on already...
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It doesn't help when people pick on me they ask me if I'm a lesbian or something because I've never been with a guy... when people have been calling me a lesbian since I was like, 5... x_o
aaaand I'm just using this icon because I like it and it's mostly for talking with my rl friend Racheal because she slashes guys together all of the time...
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Yeah, that's all.
The rest of the crushes were on a few movie characters and anime ones... (Aragorn and Legolas...and I think you can figure out my first anime one *blush*)
I know the 'freak' feeling... *sob*
To say nothing that my last MAJOR crush was pretty messed up. Know what codependency is? I had it on my last crush, who was 10 years my senior and not that good of a match. But because he helped me out with some pretty major psychological stuff, I subcounciously latched onto him...
*sigh* And now when he brings up it jokingly, I want to punch him in the face. It's like "STFU, I made a mistake ok?!"
I'm actually glad I didn't end up with him, he's got a ton of issues of his own.
Ugh, seriously?! Bastards...
Hmph, I've never been with a man in any sense of the word. Guess who are going to be the ones who aren't emotionally scared from crap teenage relationships? US
For the record I think you'd be an awesome girlfriend for a lucky guy. As my older "brother" said, "you've got someone out there for you."
It's just convincing myself of that that's hard.
Of course, the above is exacerbated by the fact that everything goes wrong the 1-2 months before Passover. And I do mean everything. And I think my mood swings/returning depression is part of it... ARGGGGGH...
(The Ayah is not pleased!)
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No, seriously.
The only friends I made for years were older than me by several years,sometimes a decade or two. Guess it's because I've usually been more mature, mentally and spiritually speaking.
Of course, all of the above was probably brought on my having my formative years in Saudi Arabia, and then having to deal with the culture here... especially when it comes to kids. Talk about culture shock... >_