lil-rebbitzen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lil_rebbitzen) wrote2009-02-02 09:20 pm
lil_rebbitzen) wrote2009-02-02 09:20 pm
Some psyhological stuff on my stories
So, after I've posted stories on Rocket100, I figured it might be a good idea to actually write an entry for my livejournal...
At the end, there will be some song lyrics posted. See if you can figure out what they have to do with my stories, who they speak of, what they speak of. Feel free to comment. I would like to see your thoughts and theories.
Bonus points if you know where the nicknames used for them near the end come from.
I'm one of those people who's in the middle of being a introvert, or being an extrovert. I skirt the line quite readily, and go through phases on either side. Well, right now, I'm introverted, and it's coming through by making my writing more emotionally charged.
Right now, I'm tapping into resentment...I'm not angry at anyone, nor do I resent anyone. But I have this odd tendency when I start writing to emotionally charge a story arc to the point where I become wiped afterwards. I keep promising to post the Illness prompt on Rocket100, except that my emotions aren't there. Without those, the writing doesn't flow near as well. So right now, I'm writing some rather dark prompts for Giovanni and Seren and some of the crap that breaks them, makes them into the people who they become.
Why do I like to beat up on my characters so much? The only reason I can think of is that my middle school life was, in a word, shitty. I've never made friends easily, and it seems to come through in my characters, my psychosis, my past. I didn't have the best childhood, though certainly not the worst, and the lonliness came through in how Seren, then named simply Esther, developed.
I knew of Giovanni's bad relationship with Madame Boss, so that part was easy...but what could cause what seemed in the manga to be a sweet little boy, if a bit arrogant, to turn into the leader of a major crime organization?
Well, his spirit being broken would do it quite easily. The same with Seren. I had always had it were she had been hurt as a child and a teenager, but could only that turn someone into a...well, I don't want to give away anything, besides that its quite hard to tell her true personality. Why? The balance of good and evil, like anyone else.
Being severely attacked as a young woman could mess someone's psyche up pretty severly. I know, I've seen people who its happened to. Even if it's not something major like a split in the personality (something normally has to happen before the age of 5 for that to happen), all humans can do both. Even more so if they compartmentalize things.
The little girl, so frail and quiet and fragile, simply had to be repaired and made stronger, like "a fragile little chipped doll being fixed", as Giovanni puts it. The process hurts like hell, what with the abrasion and all, but the result can withstand just a bit more then before. If she were to be protected, she would last longer in her present form. Except the doll got tired of her protector being broken himself by his maker. So she decided to become stronger, to defend him. I can't say exactly how because it would give away a lot, only that both of them will end up broken, and repaired, albeit not quite as they should have been.
In the process, we shall see how the innocent young girl and her friend become something much less innocent, but with a part of what should have been there.
Evil and good, hatred for their enemies, love for one another, one soul, two bodies.
In the end, after all comes to pass, the ones who have hurt them will be punished
And there shall be
a Sinful Rose, and a Crimson King.
Song lyrics:
(Bye Bye, Beautiful by Nightwish; Demon prompt)
Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man's face
red with their own blood
They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins
Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting
Bye bye, beautiful
Bye bye, beautiful
Jacob’s ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead Siblings walking the dying Earth
Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells
"I need to die [to you] to feel alive"
Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting
Bye bye, beautiful
Bye bye, beautiful
It's not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I’ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words
How blind can you be, don't you see?
That the gambler lost all he does not have...
Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting
Bye bye, beautiful
Bye bye, beautiful
(Wolf's Tears; translated from Japanese)
The flash of white lightning that split the darkness, which looked like a scar on the vast sky --
it was beautiful, wasn't it? If it's for your sake, even now I
want to be hurt.
Seeming shattered, but still unbroken, that pride of glass--
rather than becoming a dog huddled in the crowd,
become a wolf that knows no tears.
With my own hands, I want to make destiny.
With my own eyes, I want to discover eternity.
It is my place to protect you -- no one's if not mine.
The howling sound of the wind suddenly makes my soul feel its loneliness.
What is it, this meek-seeming, warm thing
that I want to hold?
Seeming to be crushed without being shattered, little rabbit of glass --
I want you always to keep laughing,
no matter what ambush comes tomorrow.
With my own hands, I want to keep my promises.
With my own eyes, I want to broaden my sight of truth.
It is my place to live with you -- no one's if not mine.
Let's chase after the sun-warmth of the heart.
Let's leap over the full moon of memories.
Until the day I can no longer protect you, let's keep on running.
Let's run through the meadow of time.
Let's leap off the cliff-edge of the era.
If there were a time when I could no longer protect you, would we learn tears then?
...let's become wolves...
At the end, there will be some song lyrics posted. See if you can figure out what they have to do with my stories, who they speak of, what they speak of. Feel free to comment. I would like to see your thoughts and theories.
Bonus points if you know where the nicknames used for them near the end come from.
I'm one of those people who's in the middle of being a introvert, or being an extrovert. I skirt the line quite readily, and go through phases on either side. Well, right now, I'm introverted, and it's coming through by making my writing more emotionally charged.
Right now, I'm tapping into resentment...I'm not angry at anyone, nor do I resent anyone. But I have this odd tendency when I start writing to emotionally charge a story arc to the point where I become wiped afterwards. I keep promising to post the Illness prompt on Rocket100, except that my emotions aren't there. Without those, the writing doesn't flow near as well. So right now, I'm writing some rather dark prompts for Giovanni and Seren and some of the crap that breaks them, makes them into the people who they become.
Why do I like to beat up on my characters so much? The only reason I can think of is that my middle school life was, in a word, shitty. I've never made friends easily, and it seems to come through in my characters, my psychosis, my past. I didn't have the best childhood, though certainly not the worst, and the lonliness came through in how Seren, then named simply Esther, developed.
I knew of Giovanni's bad relationship with Madame Boss, so that part was easy...but what could cause what seemed in the manga to be a sweet little boy, if a bit arrogant, to turn into the leader of a major crime organization?
Well, his spirit being broken would do it quite easily. The same with Seren. I had always had it were she had been hurt as a child and a teenager, but could only that turn someone into a...well, I don't want to give away anything, besides that its quite hard to tell her true personality. Why? The balance of good and evil, like anyone else.
Being severely attacked as a young woman could mess someone's psyche up pretty severly. I know, I've seen people who its happened to. Even if it's not something major like a split in the personality (something normally has to happen before the age of 5 for that to happen), all humans can do both. Even more so if they compartmentalize things.
The little girl, so frail and quiet and fragile, simply had to be repaired and made stronger, like "a fragile little chipped doll being fixed", as Giovanni puts it. The process hurts like hell, what with the abrasion and all, but the result can withstand just a bit more then before. If she were to be protected, she would last longer in her present form. Except the doll got tired of her protector being broken himself by his maker. So she decided to become stronger, to defend him. I can't say exactly how because it would give away a lot, only that both of them will end up broken, and repaired, albeit not quite as they should have been.
In the process, we shall see how the innocent young girl and her friend become something much less innocent, but with a part of what should have been there.
Evil and good, hatred for their enemies, love for one another, one soul, two bodies.
In the end, after all comes to pass, the ones who have hurt them will be punished
And there shall be
a Sinful Rose, and a Crimson King.
Song lyrics:
(Bye Bye, Beautiful by Nightwish; Demon prompt)
Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man's face
red with their own blood
They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins
Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting
Bye bye, beautiful
Bye bye, beautiful
Jacob’s ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead Siblings walking the dying Earth
Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells
"I need to die [to you] to feel alive"
Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting
Bye bye, beautiful
Bye bye, beautiful
It's not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I’ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words
How blind can you be, don't you see?
That the gambler lost all he does not have...
Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting
Bye bye, beautiful
Bye bye, beautiful
(Wolf's Tears; translated from Japanese)
The flash of white lightning that split the darkness, which looked like a scar on the vast sky --
it was beautiful, wasn't it? If it's for your sake, even now I
want to be hurt.
Seeming shattered, but still unbroken, that pride of glass--
rather than becoming a dog huddled in the crowd,
become a wolf that knows no tears.
With my own hands, I want to make destiny.
With my own eyes, I want to discover eternity.
It is my place to protect you -- no one's if not mine.
The howling sound of the wind suddenly makes my soul feel its loneliness.
What is it, this meek-seeming, warm thing
that I want to hold?
Seeming to be crushed without being shattered, little rabbit of glass --
I want you always to keep laughing,
no matter what ambush comes tomorrow.
With my own hands, I want to keep my promises.
With my own eyes, I want to broaden my sight of truth.
It is my place to live with you -- no one's if not mine.
Let's chase after the sun-warmth of the heart.
Let's leap over the full moon of memories.
Until the day I can no longer protect you, let's keep on running.
Let's run through the meadow of time.
Let's leap off the cliff-edge of the era.
If there were a time when I could no longer protect you, would we learn tears then?
...let's become wolves...